This has been a hard week. Between having to have my best friend euthanized last Tuesday, and the 10th anniversary of 9/11 I have felt massive swings in my emotions and feelings. I had originally planned on writing something Sunday regarding 9/11, but I was so out of it mentally that I just laid in bed most of the day, actually I’ve been in bed most of the week.
The depression and general malaise that I have been feeling is so frustrating. I want to get motivated, yet I just can’t seem to move. I know that this is only a temporary thing brought on by having to have Hobbie put down, but it is still aggravating. Every morning I get up and look for him, and he’s not here. On a humorous note, the damned cat has decided to make my rear end her pillow. Every night this week she has come into the bedroom and laid down on my butt. If you know anything about cats then you know that they like to knead the area they are going to lay down on, so I am getting a butt massage from a cat at three in the morning.
She’s also decided that my computer monitor is a great place to sleep. Since my flat panel died a month or so ago, I was forced to pull out an old CRT monitor. It gives her plenty of room to stretch out and nap. Last night I had to fight with her tail and paw so that I could even read anything. The best part was when she was sound asleep, snoring and all, and rolled over. She fell off the monitor, landing on her side on the keyboard. Scared the crap out of me and her. She gave me a look that said, “Who pushed me?” And then she jumped right back up on to the monitor.
Don’t get me wrong, I do love my little kitty, but she’s not a dog. She does try to be a comfort, and I know that animals can sense when their humans are distressed, depressed or in some other way not their usual self. And they try to cheer us up. It’s kind of like the friend who tells you stupid jokes when you’re down hoping that you will laugh. But Molly is 15+ years old, and I know it’s only a matter of time before she too is gone.
It gets hard when the reality of life slaps you in the face, and the things that you once thought would last forever; health, pets, marriage fall apart right before your very eyes. It gives one pause to ask that ever popular question, “Why me God?” But then who are we to question? It’s like God’s answer to Job (Job 38-41). Where were we when He laid the foundation to the world? And who are we to gripe, considering all that He has given us through out our lives? Some may say that they have had a hard life, but that difficulty is usually brought on by our own foolish choices or hardheartedness. I suppose the only real answer is to keep faith in His promise that we will never be given more than we can handle. Although it feels like you can’t handle what you are going through, somehow, some way we always seem to make it. And that is God’s promise.